Culture
Choosing the polite you abroad
French, Spanish, Italian and German all have more than one word for you. This explainer shows how the formal form works and when travellers should use it.
by Claire Dubois · 6 min read
English gets by with a single you. The four languages we teach do not. Each has a familiar form for friends and family and a polite form for strangers, and choosing the wrong one is one of the first things locals notice.
Two kinds of you
In French the pair is tu and vous. Spanish uses tú and usted, Italian tu and Lei, German du and Sie. The polite form is a bit like calling someone Mr or Mrs before you know them well: not cold, just respectful.
The catch is that the verb changes along with the pronoun. Asking a receptionist whether she can help means a different verb ending from asking a friend. This is why we teach travel requests in the formal form from the first lesson, so the right ending becomes habit before the familiar one gets in the way.
When to switch
For a traveller, the safe rule is simple. Use the formal form with shop staff, waiters, hotel desks and anyone older or unfamiliar. Switch only when the other person does, or invites you to.
Habits vary by place, of course. Younger staff in a Barcelona bar may use tú with you straight away, while a German pharmacist will almost always stay with Sie. Listening for which form they use, and matching it, is a small courtesy that tends to warm up the whole exchange.
